Claudette Ingram Thornton
Happy Mother’s Day. I have not ever really taken the time to tell you that I love you and miss you now more than ever! It goes without saying that this life oftentimes can be unfair, bitter and cruel. No one understands that better than yourself in that your time here with us, was so very short! Only our loving Creator knows why your time as my mother was just thirty years plus.
I can still remember the very first time that I witness daddy crying. He visited my school one day [either elementary or the beginning of middle school], as I was excused from class to go to the principle’s office. If my memory serves me correctly, my brother Mark was with us as my father told us that you had died from cardiac failure. For the life of me, everything else in mind seems to be numb. The things of the past up to this heart-wrenching news were forgotten. I was so very young and innocent at this horrible time, was there any hope for me in the future?
Mother, I always envied other families that were stabled, intact and happy. It always seemed as though we were not ever going to experience these things. You know, it took me becoming a man, husband, and father before I ask daddy to tell me about you. I had little to no memory of us together and parts of me knew that this was very unhealthy for me and my own family if not my life. During this time, dad had his own personal victories over some painful life crisis. The following list is the things that daddy told me that you endured in your very short life.
- You were adopted
- You had a weak heart
- You were diagnosed with schizophrenia
- You were hospitalized multiple times for mental health treatment
- You were a mother of four children
- You were a military wife
- You were a victim of domestic abuse
- You love us
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord,
The fruit of the womb a reward.
Mom, I miss you being available and involved in my life. I fail to recall any teachings and training that you shared with me as a child. I do remember the discipline and brief recall of some of the nurturing that you modeled. For these reasons, you are loved by me forever.
Needless to say, there are many issues that I have developed in my life due to your absence, namely coping skills that enabled me toward my own healthy personal soul-care. Some still I am improving on:
- Trust issues
- The extended Family become the most important bond
- Learn the importance of acceptance of others by owning my own imperfections
- Honesty, integrity and the personal drive to be the best
- Refuse to live in the past
- Only true life that a human can possibly live is in Messiah
Mom, I thank you for being my mother. God used you as one of His special souls to birth me into this world. Even though your life was painful and seemingly cruel, you now are bearing witness that I am not only your child but I am a Child of God through Messiah. Because of your life circumstances in this world, I can and will continue to depend on the providence of God. For all that you lacked on earth while you lived, God will bestow His portion and inheritance upon me for I am His fruit, a reward of good works [those of us who are in covenant with Messiah], are the reward to Messiah in His suffering and death for the Kingdom of Heaven.
Your firstborn Son,
Alonzo E. Thornton