“You cannot prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building nests in your hair”.
~ Old Chinese Proverb
Preface
At the very end of 2019, I attended the funeral of a dear friend of mine, who said goodbye to his father. This very fine gentleman lived a very long and productive life well into his 90’s. What a warm and caring tribute to a great man, husband, father, neighbor, and life-long believer in Christ.
Upon returning home after loving the family and friends of the deceased, I was deeply moved by a series of reflective personal thoughts connected to life, death, matters of eternity, as well as sorrow, and some of life’s disappointments that each human being will have to contend with while we are on the earth.
Personally, each funeral that I attend or officiate, as is the case with my daily meditations and prayers, I am very mindful of all of my many blessings, challenges, successes, and disappointments and my own life-long encounters with sorrow, shame, and loss. None of us are excluded!
The final analysis for me in all situations is that I know without any doubt, that I am never alone. It was when I closed my eyes and thanked God for granting me the opportunity to attend this homecoming celebration, that the following statement is what was formulated in my quiet-time:
“The difference between seeing and not seeing is the common denominator between living and dying. Thus, any living soul that is devoided of the vision and pursuit of Eternity, has forfeited their understanding of this space and time called the Present!”
Dedication
This blog post is dedicated to a dear friend and colleague Walter. He read and then responded to the above quote by asking me to speak on the topic of Sorrow! I humbly accepted his appeal, thus 2020’s very first Daily Spiritual Manna is about what are healthy ways to deal with sorrow?
Prayer
It is my heartfelt prayer that something in this blog post may minister hope and faith into any heart that is hopeless or short of faith when “Life Happens!”
It is my prayer that God will bring forth, healing into the entire souls of those who are battling with sorrow, grief, or similar soul crisis and pain. Amen
What is Sorrow?
Webster Dictionary
- Grief (noun) Pain of mind on account of something in the past; mental suffering arising from any cause, as a misfortune, loss of friends, misconduct of one’s self or others, etc.; sorrow; sadness.
- Grief (noun) Cause of sorrow or pain; that which afflicts or distresses; trial; grievance.
- Grief (noun) Physical pain, or a cause of it; malady.
- Sorrow (noun) The uneasiness or pain of mind which is produced by the loss of any good, real or supposed, or by disappointment in the expectation of good; grief at having suffered or occasioned evil; regret; unhappiness; sadness.
- Sorrow (verb) To feel the pain of mind in consequence of evil experienced, feared, or done; to grieve; to be sad; to be sorry.
The very first thing that I recognize is just how interrelated grief, sorrow, and bereavement are depending upon the acute nature or length of loss of the individual’s experience. Thus, throughout this blog post, I may use grief and sorrow interchangeably.
Next, while the death of a loved one often-times is the very basis of our greatest sorrow, as noted above, any realistic loss of those things, expectations, desires in one’s life, and or a multitude of misfortunes in one’s life or family members lives, will produce the same sorrow and grief.
The grief process is like sailing across a stormy sea. When we first experience a great loss, we are launched into a tempest of emotions. We feel surrounded by darkness and heavy waves of anguish. Comforting words are drowned out by howling winds of sorrow. We feel lonely and out of control as we are swept toward a new destination in life.
This journey through grief has four phases:
- Shock – In the days and weeks immediately following a devastating loss, common feelings include numbness and unreality, like being trapped in a bad dream.
- Reality – As the fact of the loss takes hold, deep sorrow sets in, accompanied by weeping and other forms of emotional release. Loneliness and depression may also occur.
- Reaction – Anger, brought on by feelings of abandonment and helplessness, may be directed toward family, friends, doctors, the one who died or deserted us, or even God. Other typical feelings include listlessness, apathy, and guilt over perceived failures or unresolved personal issues.
- Recovery – Finally, there is a gradual, almost imperceptible return to normalcy. This is a time of adjustment to the new circumstances in life.
These phases vary in duration for each person, so we should not impose a timetable upon anyone. Some people need a year or two, while others may take less time. Holidays, anniversaries and birthdays can trigger intense grief, especially the first year.
Healing a broken heart is similar to healing a broken leg. Rushing the process can actually hinder our long-term recovery, like removing a cast before the bone is strong enough to bear weight. The grief that is left unresolved may trigger depression, alcoholism, drug abuse, or other serious problems.
God’s Viewpoint
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4 says “To everything, there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven: a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance.”
Many Bible stories demonstrate how God comforts His people in times of sorrow and loss. Job clung desperately to God, despite the catastrophic loss and unhelpful friends. David, a man after God’s own heart, openly grieved the death of his son.
Jesus is our best role model for combining faith and grief, as revealed in John 11:1-45. When He saw Mary and Martha in anguish over the death of their brother Lazarus, He wept and groaned. Although Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, He still allowed Himself to feel – and express – the depths of human sorrow.
We can take comfort in knowing that Jesus has experienced all of our pain, including loss, rejection, betrayal, and dying. As our Savior and Redeemer, He took all our sins to the cross and forgives us when we ask. As our Good Shepherd, He leads us safely through “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4b). Remember, a shadow indicates that there is a light on the other side!
Even those of us who are mature in our faith in Christ does not prevent grief from impacting our lives when a believer dies or whenever misfortune comes into our lives, but it infuses grief with hope!
The Holy Spirit – also called the Comforter (see John 14:26, KJV) – can give us God’s peace, even in the midst of suffering. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
The peace of God does not come from our circumstances, but from drawing close to Him.
Managing Grief
Grief can affect our thinking, behavior, emotions, relationships, and health. People may experience sleeplessness, exhaustion, indigestion, lack of appetite, or memory lapses. Recognizing that these are common reactions to grief can help us minimize them by reaching out to friends, joining a prayer group, or asking a pastor or Christian counselor for assistance.
One of the most difficult tasks for a bereaved person is adjusting to the new environment, circumstances, challenges that are in direct association with the specific life-changing event(s).
Here are three steps to recovery
- Grieve – Though grief is bitter, we must let sorrow run its natural course. Isaiah 53:3b describes Jesus as “a Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief.” Denying or repressing pain can lead to emotional problems. We must not permit our trials and sorrow to cause us to develop a self-victimization mentality.
- Believe – We need to learn over time, to put our faith in God’s promises, trusting that our Heavenly Father knows best and that His understanding is perfect. Isaiah 55:9 says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”
- Receive – God desires to give us comfort, but we must reach out and accept it. This perhaps is our greatest challenge, learning to trust God in our personal travails. Our deliverance is within our ability to practice our spiritual disciplines. Through prayer and meditation on His Word, we can find a place in God’s presence where He will wrap His arms around us as a loving father would console a hurting child.
An additional link that may be helpful is Recovery From Grief.Com, https://www.recover-from-grief.com/dealing-with-sorrow.html
As a side note:
I must be sensitive to those individuals who are not rooted in Christ as the Lord of their every life situation and the source of their existence. As much as I would like to think that everyone who reads this blog post is spiritually redeemed, that is not the case.
Yet it goes without saying that one of our long-reaching goals is that each soul that encounters this Daily Spiritual Manna, will somehow become transformed and learn to trust in God for all things, good, bad, and indifferent. I have learned over the years, that death, sickness and disease practice nondiscrimination to each of us, thus this blog post can effectively offer help for both believers and non-believers in this area of sorrow.
The hyperlink above serves as an initial step toward obtaining a heal thyself approach for anyone suffering in grief, sorrow, and soul-crisis. Nevertheless, non-believers and believers can benefit from this blog post concerning soul-care during times of intense sorrow.
There really is not any way to escape life’s cycle of loss and grief. Though there are times we experience great swells of joy, we also experience deep depths of sorrow. No sorrow is deeper than the sorrow of loss.
At such times it is important to consider that faithful mature Believers learn to grieve and suffer lost often-times better than unbelievers. The key reason has everything to do about who Christ is in all creation, and the position of the believer when “Life Happens!”
Christ has Lordship over all of life, even grief. The gospel informs all we do, including our grieving. When dealing with the loss, despair, fear, it is a privilege to grieve in a distinctly Biblical way.
The Biblical Way to Grieve:
As stated above yet it must be repeated that it is very healthy for each of us to Grieve! It’s good and right to grieve. We grieve genuinely and unapologetically. One will know that they are healthy in their sorrow and or grief when you are experiencing grief but without despair, sorrow but without defeat, sadness but without hopelessness.
Grieve hopefully. When Paul says, “you may not grieve as others do who have no hope” he is really saying something like, “We grieve, but not in the same way as all those other people who have no hope.” Or, “even though we do grieve, we grieve differently from those other hopeless people.”
The reason we have hope is that Christ disciples grieve temporarily. We grieve genuinely but hopefully because we grieve temporarily. Our grief will come to an end. Perhaps the best way to communicate this truth is to study and imitate the life of The Messiah throughout one’s own time in this current space and time. While learning to incorporate His lifestyle and spiritual principles in your own personal experience, then one may learn to count it all joy, when we encounter life’s circumstances.
Psalm 126:5
“Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting.” As bad as sorrow, afflictions, and tribulations can be in our living, God’s purpose for us experiencing them, has far greater meaning and significance than the events that have caused our soul pain. No greater example of this truth than in Romans 5:2-5 [I will paraphrase]
We are to place all of our trust in order to gain access to spiritual grace in our sorrow, letting us have the ability to boast about the hope of experiencing God’s glory in this present time, as well as the eternity to come.
Christ is the ground of our trust, enable us to boast in our troubles; because we know that trouble produces endurance, endurance produces character, and character produces hope; and this hope does not let us down, because God’s Love for us has already been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit who is our gift and promise from above.
Closing thoughts
As I was meditating on just how to prepare and present this blog post of my very dear friend, that I was lead to this most wonderful video by Dr. Tony Evans entitled “The Fast God Chooses”.
In many ways, it spoke to my heart and my own personal challenges and situations as we all are facing a New Year and a New Decade. I only hope that you will also be blessed and inspired in that this video by Pastor Evans communicated some very practical and transformational steps for each of us who are in need of divine intervention in all of this life’s many challenges.
Please consider this video:
Brother Alonzo
Additional sources that were very useful for this blog post: The segment concerning grief, God’s standpoint and how to manage grief were gleaned from www./.cbn.com/living-through-grief. James For The Practical Messianic, TNN Press, page 26.