A Personal Study of Grief
This image is by NADSP-Good Grief Let’s Talk
Preface
Recently, God has challenged me to confess while seeking His face in one of my life’s greatest personal disclosures, my reality of helplessness. The quintessential definition of our helplessness is affirmed when we are watching someone we love suffer after they have made very poor choices.
The key word is love as it is the essential motivation for us as we watch our loved ones suffer. This love is an affirmation that we care for them as we bear witness to their suffering. To actively “watch” essentially is a confession of our helplessness.
The reason that we are “watching” is because we cannot in our might, do anything essential to impact or change the situation. The reality is that the more we try to fix the situation, the more we realize that the outcome is not improving. This is the heart-breaking, terrifying, and affirmative reality we must face as our countenance is saddened.
This blog post is made possible only through my very own brokenness while God ministers to me in my personal family crisis. I pray that this blog minister spiritually and therapeutically to others who are facing a similar transformational opportunity.
Grace and Peace
A brief study of Isaiah 53:4
Indeed, He took up our pain and bore our suffering, yet we considered Him punished by God, stricken by Him, and afflicted.
Our Greatest Fears
Before we examine this text and explore some of God’s wisdom and practical knowledge that is central to this verse, I would like to pose a question to you. Why is it painful to watch our loved ones [mainly, our children] suffer after they make poor choices?
From a psychological standpoint, parents are attachment figures who provide emotional health and security, and mental wellness to their children within the home. Parental love is expressed to the children by warmth, affection, care, comfort, concern, nurture, support, and love that a child actually can feel. This parental love has an unparalleled impact on a child’s character formation, personality crafting, and future outcomes.
When parents watch their children suffer, they may experience a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, helplessness, frustration, or fear. They may also feel empathy and compassion for their children and want to relieve their pain. Some possible reasons why watching their children suffer is painful for parents are:
- They may feel responsible for their children’s choices or outcomes while blaming themselves for not preventing or fixing the situation.
- Parents may feel powerless to change or control the situation and wish to take their children’s place or trade their lives with them.
- Parents will feel grief over the loss of their children’s health, happiness, potential, or overall future.
- They may feel conflicted between wanting to protect their children from harm and wanting to respect their independence and autonomy.
- Parents may experience isolation or misunderstanding by others who do not share their experiences or perspectives.
From a Biblical perspective, Adam’s sin made it impossible for humanity to make Godly choices on their own, apart from God’s grace and intervention. Only through faith in Jesus Christ, who is the second Adam and the obedient representative of humanity, can people be restored to a right relationship with God and enabled to live according to His will (Romans 5:18-21; 1 Corinthians 15:21-22, 45-49).
What is in question is the matter of why did God grant us free will?
That is a very deep and complex question that many philosophers and theologians have debated for centuries. There is no definitive answer that can satisfy everyone, but I can try to give you some possible perspectives based on the search results.
Different sources contend that God gives us free will for various reasons related to love, dignity, and responsibility. It is stated that God wants us to freely love Him back and receive all of the spiritual benefits that He has for each human being.
An additional view states that God respects our human freedom as part of our dignity thus allowing us to choose our actions. God desires that His created beings would use their freedom to do what is morally responsible is a loving response to the conventional commitment between God and humanity. Free will is a gift that God has blessed us with, but it also comes with many challenges and consequences.
Defining Grief
In my personal experience with this matter of helplessness, the preemptive emotion that I have is grief. By definition grief is the experience of coping with loss. Many think of grief as happening in the painful period following the death of a loved one.
But generally speaking, grief happens when we encounter things in our lives which disrupts or challenges our so-called normal life. There are some very descriptive words that better describe grief on a personal level: trouble, annoyance, irritability, harassment, and vexation.
While many of us attribute grief to our emotions, grief equally has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, philosophical, and spiritual dimensions.
Grief
I had my notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time that followed the death of someone you love
And you had to push through it to get to the other side.
But I’m learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather, there is absorption.
Adjustment.
Acceptance.
And grief is not something you complete, but rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish and move on, but an element of yourself-an alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.
-Unknown author
Looking At the Text
Yet He bore our sicknesses, and He carried our pains. Isaiah 53:5
Looking at the Hebrew word for sickness is choli which includes the following fallen human conditions that are the results of our sinful disposition.
Choli: sickness, affliction, disease, grief, illness. Likewise, let us look at the Hebrew word for pains which is mak-obe, meaning, anguish, affliction, grief, pain, and sorrow.
Isaiah 53:5 is a verse from the Old Testament that prophesies the suffering and death of the Messiah, [the Second Adam and the Son of Man] who would take the punishment for the sins of the people and bring them peace and healing. Christians believe that this verse was fulfilled by Jesus Christ, who died on the cross and rose again to save humanity from sin and death.
The spiritual and Biblical significance of the text is that it shows God’s love and mercy for His people, who have rebelled against Him and deserve His wrath. It also shows God’s justice and holiness, which require a perfect sacrifice to atone for sin.
This text also shows God’s power and wisdom, which planned and accomplished the redemption of His people through His Son. It also shows God’s grace and faithfulness, which offer forgiveness and healing to those who trust in Him. Isaiah 53:5 is a verse that reveals the heart of the gospel and the hope of salvation for all who believe in Jesus Christ.
Our Messiah’s humanity was on full display throughout His initial advent into the world. During His earthly ministry, He experienced our very sickness, affliction, disease, grief, illness, pains, and sorrow. One can note in Matthew 14:3, that Messiah suffered the pain of grief when He was told of the death of John the Baptist, yet it did not stop Him from His ministry.
After seeking solitude, His compassion led Him to heal the sick and feed the multitude of 5,000. There are other times when our Master wept, John 11:35; Luke 19:41; Hebrew 5:7-9.
The powerful takeaway from Jesus as the Son of Man is that not only did He experience our humanity in space and time, but God supernaturally enable Him to have power over the consequences of sin in the human condition and nature.
Christ shared in our weakness yet remained sinless, that through death He might destroy him who had the power of death, that is, the devil, releasing those who through fear of death were all their lifetime subject to bondage. He was made to be like His brethren [the seed of Abraham] to make propitiation for the sins of the people. Christ suffered, being tempted, He alone was able to aid us who are tempted. The Son was a faithful witness to God on earth.
Now as our High Priest who has passed through the heavens, we who are united with Him, have a High Priest who can sympathize with our weaknesses but was in all points tempted as we are, yet maintained His spiritual integrity.
We all can now come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. [paraphrased of readings in Hebrews 2:10-18; Hebrews 4:14-16]
Some Practical Ways to Help Loved One who are suffering.
- Be there with and for them. Extend support and a caring presence while your loved one is coping with their painful situation.
- Offer more listening than verbal communication. Let them express their feelings and emotions without judgment and critique.
- Become educated in the area of their illness or situation.
- As appropriate, offer random acts of kindness to assist in the day-to-day needs of your loved one.
Some Useful Ways to Cope When a loved one is Suffering.
- Acknowledging that you are in a grieving process and focus on solving the acute problems.
- Express your feelings honestly to yourself, and with a timed tested friend. Also, consider writing a journal to record your journey. As is with me, I am researching and blogging my findings.
- Learn to recognize your negative emotional triggers.
- Partner with others who have weathered very similar situations.
Powerful spiritual affirming and soul-strengthening Scriptures during difficult times.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:17
Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God, I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10
He who dwells in the shelter of the Highest will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress, My God, in whom I trust.” Psalm 91
Closing Prayer
May the Lord bless you and keep you.
May the Lord make His face shine upon you, and be gracious to you.
May the Lord lift His countenance upon you. Numbers 6:24-26
Grace and Peace
Some of the sources used throughout this study. Strong’s Concordance-Hebrew word study of sickness and pain. Section: Our greatest fears, the listing about parents was gleaned from the following articles: How Parental Love Helps a Child Succed in Life-Attachment Theory; Better Help Couples Counseling, Psychology Today: 8 Reasons Parents Fail to Love their Kids; Called To Watch.com; 11 Tips to Cope with Watching a Love one Die; Parental Love-An Overview Science Direct Topics. Definition of Grief– Wikipedia. God granting humans free will– articles, “Why did God give us free will?” GotQuestions.org; “A Beginner’s Guide to Free Will.” Desiring God; “Do Humans Have Free Will?” Crosswalk